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Connection vs. Control

life coaching Jan 16, 2022
 

 “The truth is… healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed.

It means… it no longer controls you.”

 

Connection. It’s what we all long for. And many of us have trauma in our past that causes us to fear this very thing we want the most… to be truly seen and known by others.  And not just what we put out there but who we REALLY are… ALL the different layers of us… even the layers we keep hidden #shadowwork.

 

Control. This is what makes us feel safe. Many of us, before we awaken, try to control the outside world in an attempt to control our feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, or just the fact that we don’t feel like we’re enough. We still look outside of ourselves for our worth so we contort our daily life into a controlled experience so that we don’t have to feel those “yucky” feelings of shame, embarrassment, or not feeling like we’re enough. But this control has a cost, because…

 

CONTROL and CONNECTION, do not go hand in hand. You have to choose one or the other. Control may make you feel safe but it will NEVER make you feel FREE.

 

It is the EGO that controls.

But it is your HIGHER SELF (SOUL) that wants you to LET GO so it can be FREE!

 

 Let go of the need to control your outer world and instead

learn how to control your inner world.

Become aware of how you subconsciously manipulate people around you to view you in a certain way.

Maybe you don’t set boundaries because you don’t want anyone to be mad at you. #manipulation

Maybe you gaslight people because you don’t want to look bad to anyone so you attempt to control how they view a situation. #manipulation

***FYI both of those are different sides to the SAME COIN. I don’t like the terms narcissistic or co-dependent… both people-pleasing "fawning" and gaslighting comes from wounded people who haven’t learned how to “let go” and communicate their TRUE vulnerable feelings.

 

In order to let go of control, we need to:

  1. RECONNECT to ourselves. Become more conscious of the thoughts that are subconsciously controlling our actions. When we feel reactive, it is so important to go inward and FEEL what it is our bodies are telling us instead of hiding from it and turning to addictions (healthy or unhealthy).  
  2. FEEL our trauma instead of trying to control it. Trauma is just stored pain. It’s pain that we aren’t allowing ourselves to truly feel and it gets stuck and causes us to remain in unhealthy loops. This is why often you continue having the same problem… just with different people.  
  3. INVITE our pain instead of fearing it. Most of us know why we are the way we are but it makes us feel inadequate. It makes us feel shame. So we hide from it and because we hide from it, we also don't want anyone else to see it. The trick is in inviting your pain/trauma to the table, so to speak.  It's allowing it to be safe inside of you. It's telling yourself that you are safe to feel how you feel so you can then process that pain and...  
  4. CARRY yourself from a place of helplessness to a place of power by LETTING GO. In order to find peace, you have to stop allowing yourself to feel helpless to your past. You have to carry yourself out of that helpless feeling, take full accountability for the NOW, and walk yourself to a place of POWER. It's hard to let go of control. You have spent your entire life controlling your outside world to NOT feel your trauma/pain. But it's now time to let go...

Let go of trying to get people to understand you.

Let go of trying to get people to think you’re “enough.”

Let go of needing others to make you feel like you are worthy.

Learn to give yourself ALL. THE. THINGS.

You are not responsible for others thoughts/feelings about you so just LIVE!

Be true to who you are.

SPEAK UP!

Set boundaries.

Be OKAY with losing people in your life.

Be OKAY with people thinking you’re too this or too that.

Be OKAY with people thinking you’re weird or EXTRA.

Let your SOUL be free… watch the right people align with you and the wrong ones fall away.

It’s okay. You are okay. You are safe. You are safe because your safety is INSIDE of you. Don't ever forget that. 

 

**If you are on your own healing journey and need some guidance, I would love to help you find your power within. Click {here} to sign up for a Soul to Soul session. I would love to guide you back home to yourSELF.

 

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